I recently returned from a spontaneous trip to Israel. My wife looks up at me during our shabbos lunch and says "you need to go to Israel tomorrow!" The next morning I was on a plane.
I originally told her that was a crazy idea and I can't just get on a plane and fly across the world. I can't do that without any planning. It just doesn't work like that.
She said "why not?"
Well, later that shabbos afternoon I told a friend of mine what she had said, thinking that he would agree with me. Instead he said, "she's right, you should go and I'll pay for the  ticket".
And with that I was on a plane to Israel.

My wife and I have two children in Israel. Our son is in Yeshiva in Jerusalem and our oldest daughter is finishing up her service as a Lone Soldier in the Israeli Army. Because this trip was so spontaneous, neither of them had any idea I was coming. We decided not to tell them at this point and surprise them only when I arrived.

​The morning after I arrived my son was quite shocked to see me show up at his Yeshiva. I couldn't surprise our daughter the same way since she was on an army base hours away from Jerusalem. Instead I began texting her photos of me with people she knows are in Jerusalem.
She sends back two texts that simply say;

"Wait what???"
"Where is this??"

I sent several more photos, one of which was me with her brother in his dorm room.
At that point she called. and asked "Where are you?".
"I'm here."
"Where?"
"I'm right here. I'm in Jerusalem."
She then said "I"m going to hang up now so I can cry and then I'll call you back".
She called back and said she received leave and will be in Jerusalem the next day to spend the rest of the week together.

After all the years I spent living in Jerusalem and running many trips and programs I can't believe I had never been to Kever Rachel (Rachel's Tomb). My daughter really wanted the two of us to go together during that week. It was a bit of an adventure getting there but that story is for another post perhaps. When we did finally arrive the two of us went our seperate ways into the men and women entrances. It is hard to describe the layout of the site but because I had never been there before I didn't know right away where the actual kever was. The kever itself is quite large and positioned around a corner so I actually didn't realize that it was there at first. 

When I entered the area where the men were praying, I was hoping to find a minyan for mincha, the afternoon prayer service. One minyan was already in the middle of their service so I would have to wait for the next one. While I was waiting a gentleman handed me a booklet with some Tehillim in it and told me that they were going to say the entire Book of Tehillim together. I figured while I waited for the minyan it would be fine to join them.
The man who handed me the booklet was standing by the main bima. While I took the booklet, another man picked up a shofar that was sitting on the bima and attempted to blow it and then put it down. I thought that was strange. Even though we are in the month of ELUL and the custom is to blow the shofar every day leading up to Rosh Hashana, the custom is to do so in the morning not in the middle of the day.

It became more peculiar when a few moments later, after I sat down to say the Tehillim, someone else came over to me with a plastic crate filled with approx. 50 shofars and asked if I wanted one. I shook my head no and decided the offer must be some weird Jerusalem custom. What I didn't realize was that he wasn't simply asking if I wanted to randomly blow the shofar. He was handing all of those shofars out for a specific purpose.
Minutes later the group finished saying all of their Tehillim and the man leading the group recited some prayers that are customary to say upon completing the Book fo Tehillim. Then all at once, fifty shofars began to blast. The sound was so sudden and powerful that I jumped to my feet and began to cry uncontrollably.

When I pulled myself together and opened my eyes, I finally saw that I was sitting directly across from the actual kever. It was right there in front of me the whole time and I didn't even notice. I walked over and put my arms on the kever and said "Rachel Imeinu, mommy, I'm home".

The prophet says that we should seek out Hashem when he is close. The Talmud tells us that this time is the during the 10 days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. That is when Hashem is closest to us. The truth is that Hashem is always close, we just have our eyes closed and don't notice.
We are told in the Torah that the ablility to be close to God isn't something that is up in the Heavens nor over the oceans that someone has to travel to great lengths to find. Rather it is near, so near to us. It is right there in our very hearts, that is how close it is. The reason that it seems closer during the Ten Days is because that is when we are so focussed on it. Our eyes are finally open that we can see it right in front of us. But Hashem is always there. The shofar is just the sudden blast to remind us. It is like getting a phone call while we are stuck on our own individual army base, in our own little life battles.
The shofar is meant to open our eyes and allow the sudden realization cause our tears to flow.
Hashem is calling us and saying "I'm here, I"m right here!"
​
Shana Tova

Gestalt Law of Closure states that individuals perceive objects such as shapes, letters, pictures, etc., as being whole when they are not complete. The truth is that we yearn for that completeness with just about everything in life, not just images. The greatest desire for this wholeness is in our relationships.

The hebrew word שלם (whole) has the same exact root of the word שלום (peace). Peace is not simply an absence of conflict. Peace can only exist when there is a sense of wholeness, an expression of oneness and completion.

This manifestation of peace can only be present after an active pursuit of this. That is why Judaism always speaks about שלום (peace) in the positive creation of such.

עשה שלום or  יעשה שלום etc.

When this wholeness is missing from a relationship there is pain in its place. The pain of knowing that it could be and should be something more, something greater.

That pain is magnified tremendously when the relationship is lost. Even more so when the loss is permanent. When there is a void in a relationship with someone you love or care about there is always the thought that you should do something to remove that void. If that person dies and the gap was never closed the pain is overwhelming. So many children are left truly orphaned because they never told their parents how they really feel. Often brothers, sisters, cousins and friends are devastated being unable to mend a broken heart for a mistake sometimes long forgotten what it actually was. Sadly, spouses are left alone with the hollow space that had been long formed from an unwillingness to let the other one in and now it is to late.

We want the lines to be connected. We naturally desire to be whole. Don't wish for it, make it happen. Don't wait for the line to be permanently broken.

Say I'm sorry even if you don't remember why.

Say I love you, even though you don't know how to show it.

Attempt to make שלום (peace) today before it is to late.

My father's favorite movie was Scrooge, the 1951 film adaptation of Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol starring Alastair Sim. Every year on Christmas Day he would watch it. I loved watching it with him. He used to jokingly lament that Ebenezer wimped out at the end of the film and each year he hoped the film would end differently. My father passed away the day after Christmas and the last time I spoke to him was on Christmas Day. He didn't get to watch it that day. Now I watch it every year.

This year a particular scene stood out for me. At the end of the movie Scrooge commits to changing his ways and be a more caring and giving person. He then plays a trick on Bob Cratchet the day after Christmas. Scrooge tells him that because of his lateness there is no other alternative than to raise his salary. Cratchet is obviously confused by the statement and Scrooge says that he has not lost his senses but rather found them. The whole exchange with Bob Cratchet makes Scrooge quite giddy. He comments "I don't deserve to be so happy, I just can't help it"

This notion that I don't deserve something good is all too common. I believe so many of us walk around thinking just that. We have convinced ourselves that whatever great opportunities or success we desire are beyond our grasp simply because we think we don't deserve it. We give up on dreams as a result and resign ourselves to mediocrity. 

This attitude carries over into our relationship with God as well. I don't deserve God to make my life better. I don't deserve to have my prayers answered. I don't deserve all the gifts and goodness that I actually do have. I don't deserve God's love.

The truth is that we don't. We don't deserve. However that is a refreshing reality. The blessings and opportunities that life offers us are gifts. Thankfully the world doesn't merely run on merit alone. Of course there is merit in this life and so much depends on our efforts. However the overwhelming majority of the wonderful gifts in our life are precisely that, gifts. What did I do to deserve such an amazing father? What did I do to deserve his unending love? Did I do anything to deserve my seven wonderful children? What could I possibly have done to deserve the ability to see, speak, hear and think?

Ebenezer was right, he didn't deserve to be so happy. But that didn't prevent him from being so. On the contrary, he cant help but be happy. I don't deserve any of the gifts in my life. I can only help choose to appreciate them or not. I don't have to quit and give up on striving for more just because I convince myself I don't deserve it. I just have to try and be thankful for the opportunity life gives me. I didn't deserve my dad but I can't help but be happy with the wonderful memories and love he gave me.

Coca Cola was not the first to use Santa in their advertising campaign. The first time Coke used Santa in their yearly campaign was in the 1920’s whereas the Rocky Mountain Beverage Company had done it perviously in 1915. Santa wasn’t always depicted the way he is envisioned now. Starting in the mid to late 1800‘s various images of Santa were drawn by artist Thomas Nast for Harper’s Magazine with one in 1881 depicting Santa dressed in the now famous standard red and white. Even though Coke was not the first to depict Santa that way they certainly have immortalized the image. The use of Santa in their yearly advertising campaign is often blamed for the commercialization of Christmas. 

On the other hand, the non-commercialized seasonal spirit of Christmas in many ways can be traced back to Charles Dickens’ novel, A Christmas Carol. Prior to that time Christmas was a religious holiday spent in the church. It was also losing its popularity among the public. Dickens’ came and changed the focus from the church to family, from somber observance to festive celebration and gift giving. The impact of that story is profound and is one of the most adapted stories of all time. My personal favorite is the 1951 version with Alastair Sim

His novel is a great contrast to the commercialization of Christmas. A Christmas Carol is about moral character development. The main protagonist; Ebenezer Scrooge goes through a tremendous growth of character that has come to be the embodiment of what is known as the “christmas spirit”. The source of that spirit is really the essence of Judaism.

Ebenezer Scrooge is an old miserly business man who thinks the whole Christmas day is ludicrous. It is nothing but humbug. On the eve of Christmas, his clerk Bob Cratchit hopes to be able to take the next day off with pay. Scrooge grants this only to keep with social custom, and considers it "a poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every 25th of December!" That evening he sits alone in an inn having his dinner. The man is extremely wealthy but when he is told that he’d have to pay for extra bread he cancels his request.

Later that night his deceased partner, Jacob Marley, comes to visit him. Jacob is wrapped in chains and explains that this chain was made link by link during his lifetime and he is doomed to carry it with him for eternity. Each link was forged as a result of his mistakes and selfishness while he was alive and he has come to tell Scrooge that his is even longer and heavier. Scrooge doesn’t understand as he views both himself and his partner as being good men, good men of business. Jacob wails that “mankind was our business”. He then informs Scrooge that it is not to late for him and that he is going to be visited by three spirits that night and then vanishes. Scrooge dismisses the occurrence as a result of indigestion.

The three angels that eventually come to visit are the angels of Christmas past, present and yet to come. The angel of the past comes and shows him images of his past when he spent Christmas with people that he loved and that loved him. However as time went on he began to change and develop his miserly and self absorbed habits. The next angel shows him some of those same people and how they are no longer involved in his life and those that are involved in his life he has no real regard for. Two families in particular are his nephew’s family and his clerk’s. His nephew is his sister’s son who died giving birth to him. He promised her that he would look after this child but shut him out when he married a women Scrooge deemed unworthy. And his clerk, Bob Cratchit who he pays a meager salary even though he has a large family including a son named Tiny Tim who suffers from some physical illness. Scrooge is told that Tiny Tim will die if he does not get medical attention. Both families are quite happy and actually feel for Scrooge.

Then comes the angel of the future. Now Scrooge is shown the culmination of his life and the choices he has made. No one mourns over his death. The only concern shown over his demise is who will get his wealth and possessions. Tiny Tim has succumb to his illness and died a young boy. And then finally he is shown the reality of his death, his tombstone. At this point Scrooge despairs that there is any hope for him but if he were to be allowed to live and go back then he will change and become a better person.

He then wakes up and realizes that this all happened in one night. His sheer joy overwhelms him and he commits himself to uphold his commitment to change. He sends an anonymous prize turkey to the Cratchit family for their holiday meal and then joins his nephew and asks his wife if she can possibly forgive such a stubborn foolish man. The next morning when Cratchit arrives a few minutes late Scrooge surprises him and asks if he can help Cratchit raise his family, especially Tiny Tim. 

Scrooge does indeed do a total turnaround and becomes the embodiment of kindness and image of moral change. He goes on to treat everyone with kindness and generousity. He provides for Tiny Tim so that he doesn’t die and the story ends with the narrator quoting Tiny Tim; “God bless us, everyone!”. This is the antithesis of the commercialized celebration of Christmas. The story of Scrooge culminates with a spirit of giving whereas the commercialized attitude all to often turns into that of taking. “What am I going to get for Christmas?”

It is interesting, that although Coke is blamed for this commercialization, they are far from the greatest culprit. Commercialism is nothing more than marketing and salesmanship. The greatest salesman to ever exist was the one who brought us Christmas at the very beginning. The greatest salesman to ever exist was Paul.

The original Christians were all observant Jews. The only difference was they believed Jesus was the messiah. Paul was the first one that came up with the notion to market it to non-Jews. In all cases of sales one must promise something of value in return for something of value. The buyer is always hoping to obtain something of greater value at the cost of something of lesser value. Paul does just that. 

In a world of paganism the Jews came along and said that there is one Infinite Being. While this may be intellectually sound it is not easy to relate to. How can one worship an object that some other person just built with his hands? Absurd! Yet, how can one have a relationship with a Being that is Infinite and can’t be seen, nor heard, nor touched? Additionally, this Infinite Being comes with a tremendous amount of demands in order to have this relationship. And finally, Judaism promises nothing. Judaism says the only thing that can be promised is opportunity. The opportunity to take responsibility for our choices and if we make the right choices and strive to be the best person we can possibly be by using our mind to learn, think and choose then there will be reward in kind. And that is exactly what Jacob Marley was telling Scrooge. The chains are result of our choices. We have to take responsibility for our choices and either live with them or fix them.

Paul responds to these problems with the greatest deal ever sold. He offers a man; Jesus. Here is the image of a human being that you can touch, look at, carry around in your pocket. An infinite abstract idea is to difficult to relate to? No problem, here is the image. Not a pagan image but an image that is the “manifestation” of the infinite. And as for all those demands? Not necessary. The only requirement is to accept that this man has fulfilled those obligations. Prior to that point the early Christians were observing the mitzvos. Paul came along and presented the notion that Jesus fulfilled them for us. And in return for that acceptance is eternal salvation. That’s a sales pitch! A promise of eternity in return for such a small price.

The notion that Jesus is the messiah, the son of God or even one of the three parts of the trinity is a tremendous theological problem for Judaism. However, I believe that the philosophical difference is a greater problem. The philosophical problem of Christianity is that it takes away one’s individual responsibility not only for oneself but for the world. 

One of the greatest lines in the 1951 film is in the beginning when some charity collectors come to ask for some funds for the needy and poor. Scrooge asks why? Are there no prisons, are there no workhouses he asks. When they tell him that those institutions are working fine but there are some individuals that are unable to go to them and would rather die. Scrooge says “so be it and let them die and decrease the surplus population, it is not my business.” When this very line is thrown back at him by the angel of the present Scrooge shudders at the sound of it. Charles Dicken’s is conveying to us this notion that we are responsible for the world. Mankind is our business as Jacob Marley tells Scrooge.

Where did Dickens get this idea of personal responsibility? Judaism. Judaism taught the world that each one of us is obligated to morally grow. Judaism taught the world that each one of us has free will and that our lives are the culmination of those choices. Judaism said that each one of us is responsible to change the world and make it a better place. This individual responsibility is negated by the notion that all we have to do is accept some ideal but not to live by it. If all we have to have is our beliefs but no obligations then we are not responsible. 

The lesson of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol is very much a Jewish story. Scrooge teaches us that we are responsible. We are obligated to grow, to change and to take responsibility not only for our choices but for the world around us as well. The only difference is that it isn’t just one day a year.

The greatest salesman to ever exist could very well have been a Jew named Saul. However most people know him as Paul.

How would you like eternal salvation?
Interested in a meaningful existence?
Can I offer you peace of mind?
What do  you have to do for all this? Nothing. Well, not exactly nothing. You do have to accept that someone did the work for you already.

And with that sales pitch a mass appeal for a new religion was born. Well it seems a new generation of skilled salespeople are at work, this time they are comedians ironically enough.

Sanderson Jones and Pippa Evans are on a mission, albeit not from God, to create a new movement. This new Church of Atheism wishes to embrace all the beauty that religion  has to offer; community, joy, meaning etc. without any of the "myth". However, what they really want is no different than what Paul was offering. They want meaning without responsibility. They want a relationship with the transcendental without obligation.

Imagine how absurd this notion would be if we were to apply it to any other relationship. Picture a couple deciding they want all the benefits of a relationship with no actual obligations nor commitments. The proverbial 'friends with benefits'. Sadly this is getting closer and closer to becoming accepted in our society. Just recently there was an article posted listing the reasons why one should not get married. It is possible to have a working, committed relationship without marriage. The benefits of marriage are for a different discussion. However, the absence of the binding reality of marriage does open the door for this free love attitude. When there is no obligation to give, then there is only going to be taking. It is no shock that a recent study shows dissatisfaction amongst women in regards to sexual pleasure outside of a committed relationship. Why should men be concerned with the women's pleasure when there is nothing at stake? When there is nothing obligating him to do so more often than not a man will resort to his own gratification. This is human nature.

Any relationship that we cherish in this life comes with a price. If we want to enjoy the benefits of a family then we must be willing to adhere and commit to the boundaries and guidelines that having a family entail. The selfish adolescent that chooses to ignore those costs and never grow out of that stage inevitably will have a very weak and superficial relationship with the family. Similarly, a person that is only interested in the pleasure that the opposite sex has to offer without the willingness to obligate themselves will be left to live a lonely existence. Any and all relationships require investment. Not only an investment of time and money but an investment of will; the willingness to refrain from certain activities and the willingness to mandate as well. This is a basic rule of relationships.

Another basic element of investing in a relationship is figuring out what is important to the other party. I remember when I first became a father. I knew that it was my right as a father to torture my child just as my father did to me. Every night during the winter when I was a little boy my father would come home late from work after I was already in bed. After walking our dog and having been out in the cold for some time so his hands were at the perfect icicle temperature, he would come and stick them under my blanket onto my warm belly. Sheer torture! Well now it was my turn. Of course, things turn out that my daughter actually hated being tickled. She would literally cry. I had a choice to make. I needed to decide to continue tickling her because that what I wanted to do in the relationship or figure out what she wanted. Tickling therefore became forbidden. An obligation not to do.

A relationship with the Transcendental is no different. If there is to be a real meaningful relationship then there must and has to be obligations. Call them mitzvos, call them commandments, call them investments. Without them there is nothing more than feel good spirituality. We can choose to relate to the world simply the way we feel or how the Creator intended us to be. And if we choose to ignore the foolishness of the former approach then there will be plenty of salesmen that will come along with the next greatest spiritual high.

     To be very clear from the beginning I find practical jokes hysterical. As a matter of fact there was approximately a two maybe three year period of my life where my entire circle of friends was involved in an all out pie-in-the-face war. One victim was even pied as she walked up to receive her diploma during graduation. So again, this is not an attack on practical jokes. However, there is a very dangerous line that we walk on when we engage in these activities. People can get hurt. Not only can people actually be physically harmed as a result of such pranks (our pie war ended with me in the hospital after being shot twice by a pellet gun) but feelings can be crushed and lives destroyed. At that time to say "but I was just kidding" won't really suffice.

To be able to determine if the joke is harmful or not requires tremendous sensitivity to not only the unsuspecting victim but any other unwilling participant. This is not always so simple. We often don't really know what is going on inside someone. Seemingly innocent comments can actually be causing incredible built up pain only to be exasperated by a "harmless" prank. And if we choose to simply ignore this reality and turn a callous blind eye to other people's emotions then we truly are narcissistic individuals that only care about our own enjoyment.

Children can often be the most vicious when it comes to playing jokes on their classmates. This is obvious since it is the attitude of children to only care about their own pleasure and be oblivious to other's feelings. It is the process of maturity that teaches us to be sensitive and caring of others. It would be a sad statement of society if we stopped teaching that lesson and instead encouraged the disregard of anyone else's feelings aside from our own.

Children learn lessons from the actions they see and experience. This was recently pointed out so beautifully by a mother in DC whose child's pumpkin was stolen. This mother understood all too well that the pain her child felt undoubtedly will be translated into a view of the world and the way one should treat the world. To deny this would be to deny the very nature of experiential knowledge. Well what lesson do we think children are learning when parents play Jimmy Kimmel's Halloween Candy Practical Joke? Granted, to watch the children's reaction is without a doubt hysterical and cute at the same time but at what expense? Do we really expect these children to understand the balance between acceptable joking and going to far? What will a parent be able to say when his or her child gets into trouble at school for harassing another student and then says "but mom, I was only joking"?

Jimmy Kimmel is encouraging a view of life that our personal enjoyment is all that matters regardless of how I get it. And to be inconvenienced by worrying about other's feelings is to great a burden. This attitude can only lead to more selfishness. When children can be relegated to tools for my amusement then how long until spouses are viewed that way as well. When the responsibility that inevitable weighs down on us regarding these relationships becomes to great to bear society will simply dismiss them as necessities. Just this week an article was published titled 6 Reasons Not To Marry. Number five was "Because you can break up". 

     "My boyfriend and I have been together 10 years now, and whenever we've hit an especially rocky patch (as all couples do) it's been a relief to know there's nothing holding us together except our desire to make it work. We're at liberty to break up in an instant if things become unbearable."


How about that for commitment!


Sure life is about pleasure and we should have fun. However, self indulgence pales in comparison to shared enjoyment. Responsibility far outshines sheer laziness. Giving truly does last longer than taking. But should one choose the selfish path, when the Universe finally catches up with you and reveals the empty treasure chest you've amassed don't be to upset when the voice doesn't say "just kidding"

I asked one of my students today if he was proud to be an American. He hesitated and then said of course yes. I asked him why he hesitated. He responded because as great as America is, it is not as great as it could be.

Regardless if one agrees or not with that perspective of America, it is clear that there is so much more potential in the world than we are actualizing. That loss of potential should indeed cause us a moment's hesitation. We should feel a tinge of pain that the world could be better than it is and we are missing out on that experience.

That pain is what Tisha B'av (the 9th of Av on the Hebrew calender) is all about. On that day in our history both the first Temple and the second Temple were destroyed by the Babylonians and Romans respectively. The fact that there is such a tremendous amount of animosity and lack of unity amongst people. The reality that the world has so much pain and confusion within. The immense lack of clarity that exists regarding purpose and meaning. These points are a result of something lacking that once was. 

The natural state of this world is that gravity exists. If I were to hold someone's cell phone and let go, it would drop to the ground and most likely break. The only thing preventing that from happening is the fact that I am holding it. Gravity is still there it is just being prevented from having an effect on the phone. The same is true regarding Hashem's prescence in this world. The natural state of existence is that Hashem's prescience should be here. Even though that prescience permeates all of existence, once the Temple was built in Jerusalem that became the focus point of that Prescience. As a result of our pettiness and narcissistic attitudes we forced that Prescence out of this realm. That void was manifested with the destruction of the Temple. We now live in the state described above. However, since the natural state is for that Divine reality to be present it is only because some force is holding it back. That force is us. Because we continue the mistakes of the past we are the hand holding back the gravity.

It is very difficult to mourn something that happened over two thousand years ago. However it is within our ability to recognize the state of our world and mourn the fact that we are the only ones preventing it from being fixed. Today, on the day we acknowledge our loss we should begin to take the steps to rebuild. Wake up. Shake off the pettiness. Tear away from the mundane. Fight the urge to judge and condemn. Instead seek greatness. Yearn for meaning. Choose to love.

I love chocolate!

I love hamburgers! Shame I can't eat them together. Now whether we are discussing Jeff's famous Tunisian burger or the rich tasting kobe burger from Orange Delight, or a smooth creamy Godiva truffle verses a simple Reese's peanut butter cup these are truly delicious experiences.

The truth is though, I don't really love these treats, rather I love the way I feel while eating them. The same is true for people who say they love fish (although I am not sure why). If they really loved fish they would leave them alone where they belong; in the ocean. When we say we love something what we really mean is we love the way we feel as a result.

That is the most primal level of love; a recognition of the way something gives us pleasure. Ask a little kid if their daddy loves them and they will say yes. Ask "how do you know?" and the answer is simple; "he buys me candy!". Love is an awareness of the pleasure we receive from someone or something. Our first experience and most basic approach to love is based on this. I love chocolate. I love cars. He makes me feel....She makes me feel.... This attitude towards love is depicted in the Torah when Isaac marries Rebecca. The Torah states that Rebecca became his wife, he loved her and was comforted on the loss of his mother. She was able to fill a void in Isaac's life as a result of losing his mother Sarah, and by doing so took away a tremendous amount of sorrow and replaced it with pleasure. This is the first aspect of love.

However, there is a deeper element of love that comes from the ability to articulate specifically what it is that gives us this pleasure. 

Someone once said in a different context; "I can't define it but I know it when I see it". According to Judaism that is incredibly naive. In actuality if we can't define something we most likely will not recognize it and be unable to distinguish if it is real or not. This is true emphatically when it comes to love. No one ever said "I am so infatuated with her" while they were in the thick of the relationship. However, after the facade falls away, looking back one can clearly see that it was an extreme case of infatuation. Without a definition there is no way to distinguish.

If I were to ask your mother to tell me a few things you should be working on in your life, she would probably joke and say "only three?". However, if I were to ask her to describe you, none of those items would be mentioned. That is because contrary to popular belief; love is not blind, love is a magnifying glass. However, love is identifying with the positive. Everyone has positive and negative traits. The difference between loving someone and despising them is the one you love you dismiss their misgivings and the one you hate you only see that. That is love; having the ability to recognize positive traits and identifying the person with them.

We see this aspect of love with Jacob and Rachel. Jacob meets Rachel at a well on his quest to find a wife to help him with his mission to carry on the dream of Abraham that Jacob has just been entrusted by his father Isaac. He sees that she has the qualities to be such a partner in that quest and asks her if she will marry him. She agrees but her father insists that they wait seven years before marrying. The Torah says that because he loved her it seemed like a few days. Now doesn't that seem counterintuitive? Shouldn't the fact that he loved her so make the waiting that much more unbearable? The anticipation should have made it seem like an eternity! That is true if he was focused on the primal level of love. If he was waiting for the expression of love from how she made him feel then yes the anticipation would have been too great. However, Jacob was experiencing the pleasure of love from seeing her virtues. Those virtues were constant and therefore a constant state of pleasure. Since he had that continuous love of her as opposed to the pleasure of love from her he was able to bear the wait.

There is one more level of love that is even more profound. That is the ability to realize that love is a choice. Love is something we can choose to have for someone. We see that this is true in regards to people that one day hope to be parents. Ask any of them if they will love their children and the response will always be absolutely! How can they be sure? Maybe their child will be the brat down the street? Even if he or she is they will love that child. Now while a parent might not always have the ability to show that love in the proper and healthiest way they will always love that child. That is because they decided so before ever having that child. This is possible with every relationship we have. We can choose to love those individuals in our lives. We can choose to focus on the positive as opposed to holding onto to some resentment or anger and forever seeing the other as the embodiment of that act. We can realize that as a result of that love we have a responsibility to see to it that the other knows that we love them. Making sure that the statement "I love you" isn't just about the way you make me feel but rather a recognition that because you make me feel that way I will see to it that I do so for you as well.

After the seven years of wait Jacob finally is about to marry Rachel. However, her father tricks him and has him marry her sister Leah instead. Jacob insists on being able to marry Rachel and her father agrees that Jacob may, only if he remains married to Leah as well. After waiting a week Jacob marries Rachel as well and the Torah says that he loved her also. Also? Wasn't she the one he always loved? The Torah is telling us that as soon as Jacob realized that he married Leah, he understood that it was his responsibility to love her. He made a choice.

We all have people in our lives that we love. Too often that love is solely acknowledged when we feel good as a result of them being in our life. Even though this is natural it isn't optimal because when we aren't feeling that way we ignore the love. We should take the time to articulate for ourselves why we love them. Enumerate even if just in our minds all their positive traits. Then finally, make the most profound choice possible in regards to relationships; make the choice to love them. Give them the pleasure that they give you.