We've all heard of identity theft. But what about identity fraud? 

Someone recently shared with me a recent story of an individual who created an entire history of himself as a college football player. It was only found out because of some other incident he was involved in. I wonder how many of us create false personas for ourselves? How many of us live lives created out of fraud and never really expose our true selves? Perhaps so many of us do this because it is so hard and confusing to know who we really are? What is my identity?

Most things are able to be identified by what they do. For example a pen is clearly an ink writing instrument. True, it could be used for other things but that wouldn't be its optimal purpose. One could use it as a q-tip and it would clean the ear out, perhaps even of things meant to stay in the ear but clearly it was made to write. That is its purpose and its identity. Human beings as well can be identified by what they do. Every human being is by nature a pleasure seeker. Every decision we ever make will be based primarily on what we believe will ultimately give us more pleasure. That is clearly our purpose and identity as a human. However that only helps define who I am in regards to what species I belong to. That doesn't help me with my own individual identity. This is where it becomes confusing. This is because we have become accustomed to identifying ourselves as individuals as well by what we do rather than by who we are. I am a rabbi. I am a teacher. I am a doctor. I am a lawyer etc. What happens when we no longer are doing these functions? I recently met with a 72 year old man who was having a "mid-life" crisis. His profession was one that is extremely physical in nature and he was no longer capable of performing. He was lost. He had no identity outside of his former proffesion.

If you ask people to point to themsevles most often they point to their heart. Where would a person point if they had a heart transplant? What about a person who had a face transplant? It is only a matter of time before we are able to perform brain transplants and insert our memories and personalities via computer chips into that brain. Where would we point to then? Judaism says our individual identity comes from our soul. It is not relegated to our bodies. Our soul is not only what makes us unique as humans it was makes us each special as individuals.

There are actually five levels of our soul. The base level soul, often referred to as the animal soul is what creates desire for any physical need. Because the soul has no relation to time this desire is always urgent. When we are hungry we must eat now. When we are standing in line in the market and gravity pulls on our physical body we must get out of this line now!

The fourth level soul is where we have the ability to direct and control these urges. This is where free will comes in. This is the soul that distinguishes us from animals. The urges of the fifth level soul are not bad as long as they are not what leads us in our decisions. Without the existence of the fifth level soul we would never take care of our bodies. With nothing but the fifth level soul we would become like animals merely allowing every physical urge turn into an action. Left unbridled the fifth level soul would force each of us to remain children regardless of our age. It is the fourth level soul that allows us to grow and mature.

The third level soul is an even higher level of conciousness. This is where intellect and wisdom come in. It is here where we have the ability to learn and understand life. It is this level of consciousness that gives us meaning and the ability to choose happiness.

The second level soul is that essence of our being that is distinct from every other person. This soul is what gives each of us our unique purpose for existince. Why did I come into this world? There is some purpose that I am here to fulfill that no other human being can achieve. 

And the final soul is that part of us that is absolutely pure of all self. The only desire is to connect with the Infinite Being that created the soul, to reunite the spark with the Source.

It is the combination of all five levels united with the body that makes up our identity. We are not just souls nor bodies rather we are a combination of body and soul. The rabbis compare our existence to a horse and rider. Neither one is complete without the other. The rider can not get where he needs to without the horse and the horse has nowhere to go without a rider. The body is what allows us to experience life. With that life we can attain pleasure which is what we all seek. However we must take care of the body. In order to do that we must function as a responsible human being. This is what we do with our lives. This is not the purpose of our lives. Our purpose is to seek the ultimate pleasure. What we do in this world is an integral part of that purpose and our identity however it is not the sum of our being. What we do allows us to function and create the platform for which we can grow, live and achieve pleasure. 

What I do is not who I am.

Every year Time, CNN and other media publications put together lists of the most significant events of the past year. Sometimes these lists are nothing more than a compilation of notoriety  and have little to do with actual significance and impact on human history. Just because something is known or unknown isn't always the barometer of its importance to history. On the contrary, the more sensationalized an event is often is an indicator of how little it matters to our lives.

This week on the Jewish calendar we commemorate an event in human history that must be according to all logic the single most important event to ever happen, with the exception of the first human coming to life. This week is a less known major holiday called Shavuos; the day that God spoke to the world. Upon leaving Egypt, the Jewish people travelled through the desert to Mount Sinai. Unlike the depiction in Cycil B Demille's great film; The Ten Commandments, God then spoke to the entire nation! An entire nation heard God speak. Just think of the importance of that statement. There are millions, if not billions, of dollars being spent on simply listening to the galaxies. Just listening, waiting to hear something other than white noise. Should some form of sound be heard that is clearly artificial, and not just the natural noise of matter, the world would become mesmerized. We would be obsessed with knowing where did it come from? What does it mean? Why was it sent? The questions would go on. And this is even if the sound was entirely indecipherable. This is even if the sound wasn't even meant for us, it could have been unintentionally received. Now imagine if the actual Creator of the Universe intentionally spoke to His creation.

A colleague of mine told the following parable. A group is sitting in the middle of a large warehouse under a single exposed light bulb. Each one begins to discuss why they are there. One says, we were put here to be storage boxes, we have a door and open space inside. Another one says, no, we are more than storage spaces, we are a cooling unit for our inside is considerably colder than the outside. Finally a door at the end of the warehouse opens, flooding the space with light and a man walks in. He tells the group that he is from GE, informs the group that they are refrigerators and they have the power to create ice. 

We all walk through life with so much doubt. What is life about? What am I living for? Can I truly be happy? If the Creator of the Universe not only spoke to us but gave us the secrets of the Universe than we should be able to spin this world on our fingertips. We can create much more than ice; we can create life. Not just the act of procreation but life beyond the physical. We can create ourselves into great human beings. We can create a world filled with unity. We can change the world. Simply because God said we can.

On the holiday of Shavuot we remember that God spoke to the world and told us what life is all about. There can be no greater event in human history than that. And even the atheist would have to acknowledge that if there was a God, and He told us how to live our lives and that we can achieve greatness with His help then there is absolutely nothing that we can't accomplish.

this blog is in the merit of Shoshana Rachel bas Elimelech

A few months ago an 82 year old man in Oregon made national news for wearing a sign around his neck stating that he was looking for a wife. He even wrote a short description and a clarification that this was not a joke. In some ways wouldn't it be refreshing if people were more like this man being honest and open about what they were looking for when dating? Instead we all seem to play this game of trying to attract others and be attractive in ways that seem to be contrary to what we wish to find. How often do women lament that men are only interested in one thing? Men also complain that so many women are just seeking a guy with a lot of money and success. Yet ironically, women go out of their way to be physically attractive and often sexual when hoping to be noticed by a guy. Men as well will be concerned about things that make them look successful when pursuing a woman. We seem to play this game and resent the situation at the same time. We would much rather prefer that relationships were based on much more profound elements of attraction and not on less meaningful desires and needs.

The truth is that neither is correct. Both elements are absolutely necessary. The reason that we are uncomfortable with the game is because it is misunderstood and often left to be viewed as the sole attraction. However without them the human element of desire and attraction are missing in relationships. This idea of attraction was present at the very beginning of relationships. The Talmud states that God made Eve beautiful by "braiding" her hair when she was created and then brought her to Adam. The Torah is telling us that the very initial spark of male-female relationships needs to begin with an element of physical attraction. However the relationship is not meant to end there but rather build through much more profound and substantive factors. Therefore the Torah informs us that they were to share common goals and values. It is this healthy balance of both physical attraction combined with positive character that makes for successful attraction in a relationship. This is why according to Judaism a woman is supposed to make herself attractive for her husband. 

The same is true in the reverse. The assumption on men's part that a women is merely looking for a man with money is based on a similar misunderstanding of attraction. According to Jewish law a man is obligated to provide financially for his wife. A man is required to be a responsible individual. Success is sometimes a mistaken indicator of that ability.

These elements of attraction are problematic when they become the sole basis of a relationship. If a man is merely attracted to a woman because of her appearance or a woman to a man because of his ability to allow her to indulge herself with gifts then there is nowhere for that relationship to grow. And even though he might be able to maintain his ability to provide it is certain that her looks will change. What happens then? If the relationship is built on shared goals and values and complimented by the game of attraction then it can flourish.

This game when understood properly is what helps keep a relationship alive and fresh. A theme that is extremely common in love stories is all about the conquest, the challenge. The story of one person, usually the man, getting the other to say yes. One of the reasons these stories are so appealing is because this is a reality. The tragedy is that the message taken from is that there is merely one conquest and then the challenge is done. The truth is that process must continue. There needs to be this continuous effort on both to win the others love. With each victory the relationship gets stronger and stronger. In order to achieve this the game of attraction must continue to be played. On the man's side gestures and overtures of love and desire must be displayed on a continuous basis to let her know that he is still desirous of her and loves her. And the woman needs to make a continued effort to make herself attractive to her husband if nothing more than to keep his eyes on her.

So realize as you dress yourselves up and enter into this game, as long as we are playing for the right victory there is no need to hate the players nor the rules. On the contrary the rules are there precisely because of how sweet the end game can be.